What a great life

I have a great life and feel very blessed. I have the best wife in the world. She is the best woman I know. A woman of prayer and humility. I thank God for allowing me to marry her. I couldn't imagine living with anyone else. She is intelligent and beautiful. Though our backgrounds are very different those things that made us different made us for one another. I enjoy our conversations. I think that we are both open minded people and when we talk it is evident to me that I could not possible have been married to anyone else. Most of all she is an example of faithfulness. During our marriage their have been some discouraging times, I suppose every married couple has these times, but she has always had her focus on God. She doesn't worry like I do because of her reliance upon the Lord. She thinks about and internalizes her faith which manifests itself in her love of others and God. It is not just a part of her background that formed habits it is a life she lives. During my conversion I had hid a lot of things from her that were going on inside of me. She was raised Catholic and I didn't want to bring it up because I didn't want her to worry and there were other reasons. I see now that I should have opened up to her about what I was studying and thinking the whole time. I would imagine every husband looks back at one time or another and rethinks their actions. She has stood behind me and supported me in what I have decided but in the end it is me who stands besides her wondering if what I am doing will be the best thing for her. I take this seriously and know that in the end it will be God and my wonderful wife that will help me live a more faithful life. I have great life because I have a wonderful Lord and a wonderful wife.

New Post

Jennifer told me I needed to post a new blog. I don't have the time to sit at the computer like I used to. When I am at the computer the last thing on my mind is blogging. Anyway...what is new. I was confirmed last night and I am now in full communion with the Church. It was wonderful, I can not describe what it is like to take the body and blood of Christ in the Eucharist. The last year was a long journey but I am eternally grateful for it. I continue to teach the classes on Thursday nights. The turnout has been great and I am thankful for everyone wonderful encouragement. Work has slowed down significantly but I am not complaining. The next couple of months I am filing papers to change my business name to Llano Lawns. I plan on growing and expanding what I do. The first year went much better than I had anticipated. I kinda did this by default and it has been blessed beyond my imagination. Jennifer continues with school. She is doing a great job and I am very proud her. The other day she had me fry two turkeys for the math grad department and they ran out of meat. It embarrassed her but I was proud of my foul. What else...recreation. I haven't got to play much golf this year but that should change in the next couple of years when I transition to a manager-operator position. I am going hunting for a solid week in a couple of days in Arkansas. There are large bucks that have been spotted. I hope to get one. In case you were wondering no one went out and tied one to a tree for me. (Only one person may know why I write that.)
Anyway. I am going to eat some breakfast and finish painting the house. It looks so much better now. We had thought, as the business grew, that we would move. Not now though we have done way too much to this house.
Hope you are well and that God is real in your life. Seek Him.
Eben

Update

I haven't posted in a while. The last few times I have posted have been quick. Today I have a little time, emphasis on little. The last couple of months have been very busy for Jennifer and me. Her school takes a lot of her time. She is teaching a few undergrad classes and taking hours as well. She is doing a great job and somehow still finds time to love me. My business has taken off very well and I feel very blessed. I believe it has been the hand of God. I am excited about the temporary slow down this fall, until the leafs fall anyway. I want to go hunting and camping and I haven't had much time to do so. I am still RCIA and approaching full communion with the church slowly. I begin teaching a class at the Cathedral, CTK, on October 2nd at 7 on the Biblical nature of Catholicism. If you are going to come to the class I recomend you read your New Testament and "Unabridged Christianity" By Father Mario Romero. Brother Johns has it. I am involved in a program on Monday mornings call That Man is You. It is an early morning men's group where we study facets of men's leadership and spirituality, both of which seem to be in short supply among men. I am supposed to go tailgating today, I would rather work on my hot-water heater. I know that sounds odd but I would rather just be at home and watch the Ryder cup. I haven't got to play much golf, though last week I played once. It was so nice. My score was junk but it was a perfect day. Not much else is going on, I go to Dallas in a couple of days to speak, Jennifer and I work and live life. I am thankful to be where I am and with Jennifer. I appreciate you stopping by, drop me a line sometime. 

5 years

Jennifer and I celebrate our 5th anniversary today. Last night we went to a nice place to eat and then we played pool at Fox and Hound. It was fun, I enjoy being with her. It is hard to believe it has already been five years. They have been the best five of my life. I appreciate the fact that my wife is intellegent and open minded. She is also deeply spiritual, I admire the practice of her faith. I could not imagine being married to anyone else. I can talk to her. I cringe when I think of my life with anyone else. Through the changes that have come in our marriage she is always been a steadying force. I naturally want to be retaliatory, but Jennifer reminds me that the truth always prevails so who cares. When I see the selfishness of our times and the shallowness of the religious landscape I thank God that I am married to a selfless and spiritual woman.
On a different note things continue to go well. I am going to begin the apologetics class in October, I will try to get links to the website so anyone that wants to can watch and follow along. Apologetics, basically, is a study of the Catholic faith. I am really excited about it. Business seems to be going well. Jennifer is plugging away at school, seems like she will be there forever.

Life in Lubbock

It has been a while since I last blogged. I have been very busy with work. I love the work I get to do. I like the way a lawn looks after it has been cared for properly. Jennifer has been busy as well with school and teaching. She also has a full time job taking care of me. I appreciate her more than I can say.
Much has happened in the last several months. I have spoke a couple of times at different functions. The response has been good. I speak again in September here in Lubbock and then in October in Dallas. It is what I truly love to do. I have been blessed to meet so many wonderful people since we moved to Lubbock. I have recently come to realize that we can say whatever we wish but in the end people will believe what they are able to believe. God truly provides the increase. I have wanted so many times to address some of the things that were said about me after our move. I don't see the point anymore. So many dishonest things were said. I continue to go through RCIA and love every minute of it. I was timid about converting but the further I get into it the more I realize the true beauty of the holy, Catholic and apostolic Church. Sure, there have been some things that have been difficult but in the end I can trust that Christ works through His church.
Life in Lubbock is nice. We are having some friends over tonight to grill out. We have started to pray the Liturgy of the Hours, a prayer book that leads you. I have never seen a deeper respect for prayer the presence of Christ than I see now. Well I hear Jennifer rattling dishes so I better go help. Email me or respond I would love to hear from you.
I hope that you are all doing well.

What I appreciate, what I don't!

I appreciate that I am part of a church that has existed since Christ and honors His presence. I appreciate all those who have given such great examples of Christian charity. I appreciate my wife who is the best person I have ever known. I appreciate all those who helped me come into a body of people who stand for the real truth of God's word and not proof-texted renditions of the Word. I appreciate that I have fallen very short of the glory of God. I appreciate those who know the same. I appreciate that I am a part of a church that will never succumb to the pressures of society to accept the modern sins of the world. I appreciate the work that was done to make it possible for someone like me to work and make a living. I appreciate that so many, on both sides, have helped re-affirm that I made the right decision.
I don't appreciate laziness. I don't appreciate liars. I don't appreciate my own sinfulness and addcitions. I don't appreciate a watered down gospel and history of Christianity.
This was a quick post but I wanted to write something.

It has been a while.

I am a horrible blogger. I don't really post that often. I have been too busy to sit down at the computer for any amount of time so no blogging. The last couple of weeks have brought much needed rainfall which was an answer to many prayers. I am still in the RCIA (Roman Catholic Initiation for Adults) program, had class tonight. Loving every minute of it. Jennifer is still working on her degree. It seems as if we will be in school for the rest of our lives, but that is cool. We just painted the bathroom and got a check for a new roof, taking bids is so much fun. lol. Business is going very well for me and I am very thankful for that. Currently I am working on some lessons from the Psalms for a Bible conference at the Cathedral. I am very nervous. So many of my own weaknesses and inabilities have been laid bare and I don't feel a worthy spokesman for Christ. I trust it will all go well though. The past 5 months have gone by so quickly. It seems just yesterday I was calling to find carpet for the house and now summer is already upon us. I started reading a new book "Christ is His fullness," by Bruce Sullivan. Bruce was a Church of Christ minister and graduate of Sunset who converted to Catholicism. He has encouraged me in his book. I laughed many times because his experience was so similar to ours.
I have met many people through this experience that I feel very blessed to get to know.
I got to talk to a true servant of Christ tonight, though the conversation was short it was nice to hear his voice. I have so many wonderful people that have been in my past that it gives me a such a satisfaction that I thank God.
Well what does the future hold? I am not sure. I am going to test for a commercial applicators license in the winter so that I can spray lawn and pest chemicals as part of my business. I will finish RCIA and have my first communion. Jennifer will continue with her school. We hope to reconnect with some old friends that we miss dearly. We will try to draw closer to Jesus.
That is a bunch of rambling.
May the grace of our Lord be with you all.

A great day.

The last 48 hours have brought much needed rainfall to the area. Even though I don't get to work the days that it rains it means more work long-term. It is truly an answer to prayer that we have got so much rain. We are very thankful. As well, we learned yesterday that Jennifer's tuition for both summer session is negative $80. She got a grant and a teaching assistantship that took care of everything. She told me this morning that her balance due at Tech was negative 40 for the first session. Awesome. Since I have been at the house I have preparing a lesson for a conference in June at the Cathedral. I am doing a lesson over the Psalms of Lament and other speakers are doing other types of Psalms. I was told a while ago to quit whaling about being Catholic but I love it. I love being part of a church that seeks the whole of scripture rather than pulling texts out of context. I am so thankful to be alive, married to Jennifer, part of the Catholic church and be a recipient of God's blessings. Well I have to go do some paperwork. I am not thankful for the paperwork associated with owning a business.

Squirrels

When I was a teenager my friends and I used to hunt squirrel. It was always fun but I don't think I realized how hillbilly this practice really was. We would make entire weekends of the sport. For this, and other reasons, many of the stereo-types about people from Arkansas are justified. I didn't know how powerful these stereo-types were until I received a call from a friend of mine one day. This friend of mine told me that her and her husband had trapped a squirrel in the attic and wanted to know if I wanted to come and get it to cook for supper. I laughed at first and then I realized she was serious when she told me that she thought I may have been homesick for some squirrel. I gently told this friend of mine that I would let them keep the squirrel because I was busy with a big batch of white lightning and had to get back to the still.

Recently my affections for the four legged delicatessen has changed. We have a pecan tree in our front yard. The previous owners never picked up the pecans and they are buried all over the lawn. This wasn't a big deal until I landscaped the yard and our squirrel started digging through all my plants to find his buried treasure. I wanted to kill the little thing. Jennifer likes the squirrel and named him John Henry, I don't know why. Well the other day I realized two things. First, my redneck disposition is stronger than I thought. Second, it is illegal to discharge a firearm in the city limits. When the officers arrived I quickly ran inside, kicked off my shoes, found my old Arkansas driver's license and put on my overalls with out an undershirt. I was given and warning because they understood I was just hungry.

(Part of the above story is a complete fabrication but I wont tell which, that's why it's a story.)

"It's just uncle Eben..."

If you know me well at all you know that my twin sisters Erin and Emily have boys. Kain and Coby. You also know that I would cross the world for them in a flash. I love them very much and they love their aunt Jennifer even more.
It used to be really hard to get Coby to talk on the phone. Emily would say that uncle Eben wants to talk and Coby would say no and run into the other room. Kain would talk but usually only for a couple of minutes. I came up with a plan. I started disguising my voice as sponge Bob square pants. It worked like a charm. I simply told Emily tell Coby that sponge Bob wants to talk. He came running. I was elated. It was so much fun. I called daily. The excitement was next to none. In fact one time when we went to Arkansas I looked for a sponge Bob outfit in the airport and was going to put it on as we walked to the baggage claim. After a while I thought it would be a good idea to let them talk to "sponge Bob" and then he would tell them uncle Eben had come to the pineapple and wanted to say hi. They squealed with excitement "you know uncle Eben?!?" I was in heaven. I started to add characters, I was sponge Bob, Patrick and squidward. We were all hangin at the pineapple and thought we would call the boys.
Then they caught on. I called the other day and asked to speak to Kain and Coby. I heard them say in the background, "it's not really sponge Bob it is just uncle Eben." Oh well. I must now come up with another adventure to go on with the boys. Maybe I will dress up like a Sasquatch next time I see them or something.

The Pope Visits

The news has been 'buzzing' about the visit of the Pope to the United States. I was very glad to hear of his visit and after hearing him speak I am excited about being Catholic. It is wonderful to be part of a rich Christian history that can trace it's roots back to the first pope Peter. I am equally as excited about the journey toward confirmation. Through my quest for a more full Christian spiritual life I have realized that most of what I believed was based upon the prejudice and opinion of people. I whole heartedly believe that my brothers and sisters in churches other than the Catholic church seek God but I am thankful that we have been led to the Catholic church. The reformation of the 1500s created a Christian sub-culture in which all opinions were equally valid and authoritative. When I was a protestant I would read my Bible and interpret it through my own eyes and biases. Now as a member of the Lord's true church I am constrained to the pillar and foundation of the truth which is the church. Since the 1500s there have been hundreds of thousands of people who think they have definitively arrived at the true faith. Groups that began less that 300 years ago would arrive at the conclusion that they were the true church. The sole problem is that this truth has always been based upon the personal interpretation of scripture by these reformers. Would it not be better to trust people whose guardianship had been passed on from people who walked the earth with Christ. Not only that, but the true spirit that surrounds those who are faithful Catholics excites me. When I see the graciousness and virtue that flows from their lives I am humbled. I am eternally grateful to my background, and all who made it so rich, but I am at peace with where the Lord has led us. In light of the response to my conversion to this wonderful body it has been bittersweet. Bitter in the dishonest interpretation of events and intentions as well as the gossip that determined what most thought of our conversion. Sweet by the truth of what we now experience and by being a part of the church whose roots are as rich and deep as anything I could imagine. I would encourage you to study. Study your Bible. Study history. Most of all pray that our Lord would lead you to His church. I am convinced that if you do this you will come to appreciate the Catholic church for what is actually is and not what we have been, falsely, taught it is.
I haven't posted for a while because I was mad. I was mad about the things that were said about me. It made me mad that many people took as truth the words that came from gossip and out-right dishonesty. In truth it was disappointing, but the Lord has led me past this. It was the Church that gave me the peace and strength to do so.

Can we call you Christian?

The other night some friends of ours were over for supper. It was a great time and they are a wonderful Christ loving couple. We talked about our journeys. They knew of our journey as we talked we found they were searching for God as well and not content with where they were. They said they considered us Christians but didn't know if it was ok for Catholics to be called Christian. I quote..."well we consider you brother and sister but is it ok to call you Christian." Yes it is, that is what we are. I used to not think that Catholics were Christians. In fact I spent several years converting these Catholics to Christianity. I used to feel sorry for them. I thought they were miserable people and idol worshippers. A few years ago a young man who I knew in South America had returned to the Catholic church and I remembered thinking that he has lost his salvation. What is really interesting is the reason I believed this. When I was taught church history it went something like this...Acts was the start, a few years later everyone fell away, then reformers who weren't really Christians either questioned the Catholic church...then came the restoration movement and the church was back on the map. That is a crude breakdown of course but no wonder I felt sorry for them. Then when I would teach or be taught the Bible it was always based upon what I believed the Bible said. I had friends and brothers in other pulpits teaching from the same texts and arriving at different conclusions. Were we all right? I really don't know. I say that to say that the Catholic church has been Christ's church throughout history. I fully embrace as saved brothers those who come from churches other than the Catholic church. I appreciate your faith and am glad to know Christians in other groups. I say that to say this: we are Christians.

Why I love being Catholic.

It has been a couple of months since I convereted and I am very glad to be on this journey. It is true that the effects of my decision were much further reaching than I had realized. Much of what has been said about us in circles I used to be a part of is speculation that comes from gossip. I have come to the realization that assumptions, speculation and gossip usually determine what people believe about a given situation. All I can say is if your concerned, thank-you. If you are worried let me know. If you hear speculation and assumption please examine the person who is making it. It bothers me because I know that most of the perception of this decision has not been based on fact but rather the words of agitators. It was not an easy decision to become Catholic but I will say it is a very easy decision to stay. I have found a depth that I did not know was there and my spiritual life has changed significantly. I am so glad to be a part of the first church. As I stated before I am going through confirmation classes and we are learning some things about the Church. The more I learn the more I realize that the reformation, that gave birth to all other churches in the 1500's, really robbed people of a wholisitic spiritual experience. Now Christianity is based on the Jesus we create. The early church didn't have to proper view of Jesus without the apostles and the church today cannot keep the proper view of Jesus without the succesors of the apostles. Christ told Peter that on the rock He would build the church and that church would withstand it all, namely the gates of Hades. (Matt. 16:16-18) Jesus was right; only one church has withstood. It feels good to know that my church is not blown by the winds of religious popularity but rather traces itself back to Christ. Just some thoughts.
Anyway...
I have received a lot of responses from people I know and people I don't know. Much of what has been said to, or at, me in these posts has revealed where many are getting their information. Most times the posts are anonymous. Please don't post anonymously.

Erin and Emily

My sisters Erin and Emily. I am not sure why I post this but I was missing them today.

Books

Someone asked me about some literature that would help explain my crazy decision. So...ok.
First I would say read the Bible. Read whole books, whole chapters and see the beauty of God's plan for man since the fall in the garden.
Second, read Unabridged Christianity by Fr. Mario Romero, it is a good read that explains many matter of the Catholic faith that have been misrepresented and misunderstood.
Third, a good read would be Biblical Defense of Catholicism, Dave Armstrong.
Fourth, and my fav. Born fundamentalist, Born again Catholic by David Currie. Many of the authors who are now great writers for the faith were once ministers in various protestant churches. All of our stories are very similar. From the stirring to the reaction. But I like his because he wrote it soon after his conversion and he explains things in a light that was easy for me to understand.
Fifth, I would say read the Catechism. It is a large read so just try reading parts of it at a time. Be warned about reading it though. When I read it I thought I would prove the Catholic church wrong. There is more scripture and theology in one paragraph than anything I have ever read.
May the love of our Lord and Savior be with you all as you walk in His light.

New...Ark of the Covenant

I got a post today that revealed a few things. First, it is the best interest of all that we move on. Second, we are being lied about and mis-quoted. Third, good people usually speak the most honest words. I respond to this only because I admire the faith of the person who made these suggestions.

Different topic...
I was blessed with the opportunity to go to a Bible conference yesterday. It was a view of the Old Testament's fulfillment in the New. Really neat stuff. I was very encouraged. One topic that stuck out more than others was the idea of the Ark of the Covenant. God dwelt with His people through this Ark. It contained the Word, which God was in (John 1). It contained manna, God's food for His people. As well it contained the staff of Aaron, a representative of the priesthood. (Where the Ark was, so was God's blessing and victory, because it was His presence with Israel. Read 2Sam. 6-7) All three of these were fulfilled in Christ. He became flesh and lived among us. He is the high priest and we eat the new food, His body, which gives us life. What about the Ark of the Covenant. Why did the Old Testament go into such great detail to teach us about God's presence in that Ark? We know Jesus fulfilled the contents aspect but what about the Ark...
How did Jesus come into the world?
Who was His Mother?
Revelation 11-12 shows us the throne room of God. We are told that John could see the new Ark. This was Mary. She was the bearer of God. She sat crowned in Heaven. I promise it's in there read Revelation 11-12. I had always taught that the woman was the church or something other than Mary. The problem is Jesus only had one Mother. The priesthood, the manna, and the Word made flesh was all fulfilled in Jesus. The instrument God used to bring Christ into the world was the new Ark of the Covenant.
I will write more about this later. I wrote this pretty quickly.
Peace.

Reeling!?!

Ever since I posted the blog about my conversion I have received many emails, calls and responses. I sincerely appreciate your faith and must say I am overwhelmed by the loving responses of many of you. All I can think is that I worded it all wrong and for that I am sure I have lost some friends. I can understand why many of you are upset with me. I want you to know that I am Catholic and am convinced it is the true church. Anyway my wife wanted to write a few words. I didn't want her to at first but she can better express some of the things we are going through.

From Jennifer:

Dear Cherished Friends,
First, I would like to express our love and appreciation to all of you who have responded to our announcement. Taking time to ask us questions and let us know how you feel shows us that you truly love us. We are eternally indebted to you for your concern, honesty, kindness and prayers.

Next, I would like to clarify a few misunderstanding. Some of you are under the impression that Eben's previous post was directed toward a specific group of people. This couldn't be farther from the truth. We have nothing but love, respect, and appreciation for ALL of the people we have worked, worshiped and fellowshipped with over the last five years. Any frustrations we had were with the overall system, not individuals within that system. The reason for our conversion was NOT because of these frustrations. After all, wherever people are involved there will be imperfection and frustrations. However, these frustrations were the catalyst that pushed us to question many things. This began several years of study and prayer that led us to the undeniable truth at which we have arrived. We are fully aware that many of you will not agree with us. That is okay. We still consider you brothers and sisters in Christ and our hearts are full of His love for you.

Finally, I would like to ask that any comments, questions, or concerns be directed to me or Eben. Please do not speculate without getting the answer directly from us. We are prepared to answer any questions that come our way (otherwise we would not have made this life changing decision).

Again, thank you to all of you who have responded to last night's post. We are sorry if a poor choice of words hurt you or anybody else. Please keep us in your prayers as we do the same for you.

Love in Christ,
Jennifer

My stupid mouth

I want to set the record clear on one thing. I have not converted because of what someone did or did not do. I respect elders and the impossible task they have in front of them. If I communicated that I did not have that respect please know that I do. As I said in the bloag yesterday I wrote that quickly but I never meant to hurt anyone. What can I say.

Now that the Cat is out of the bag!

OK! Here it goes.
Ever since I became a Christian I have grown increasingly tired of the subjective nature of Christianity.
I am now a Catholic. I know how this sounds because I once, like many of you, thought that the church of Christ or other protestant churches were the true church. But what they have become is a den where opinion rules and that we determine where the church will head by our feelings about what God believes rules. Those of you who know me the best know this is not a flippant decision. This has been a four year process in which I have studied, prayed and examined all the facets of the Christian faith I know. I come to one undeniable conclusion...there has only been one church to exist since Acts 2, the Catholic church. I did not want to believe this but at the same time I could not honestly deny it's truth. I just have a couple of questions.
1. What one church has existed since the first century, according to history and not a false interpretation of history?
2. In light of the direction of protestant faith is it possible that it would be better to have an anchor to the faith?
3. What do you think about this?
Oh boy, this was written rather quickly but there it is. I have to say that as I write this I am scared and don't want to lose friends but if that is what it cost oh well.

Love,
Eben

Now that the Cat is out of the bag!

What!?!?!?!

It has been a little over a month since we left Tulia. I have to say that I feel like myself again. Who I had become was not who I am. Jennifer is doing her school work. I married up when I married her, for sure. I feel more relaxed and we love our life. I was never made to do what I was doing. I got bitter and it showed, and for that I am sorry. I was looking on the blog world tonight and I saw some people who I really appreciate.
Some of you may have heard but there are some covictions of ours that have changed over the past three years. I could not remain a minister in the church of Christ with what I now believe. It was not a flippant decision but rather one that took much prayer study and time. I believe it would have been worse to be divisive than to just leave. I love to preach, I love to teach but my life was not reflecting what I was saying. It would be shocking for many to know where we are going to church now. A good friend of mine who is a pastor for a church of Christ came by the other night with his girlfriend to eat supper. He preaches in a small town like I did and when I told him where we are going and what we believe he said "that is radical." Not like dude where's my car radical but the other kind. I could and will write more about it, after it's effects will not be divisive. But I want those of you who read this to know...I love you and appreciate you and if my actions were poor toward you I am sorry.
Peace and God bless.

I like meat!

My wife would be embarrassed if she knew I was telling everyone this story but sometimes it is fun to reveal just how much of a hick I really am. We recently went on a cruise. It was a lot of fun. I enjoy them a great deal. The best part is that you don't have any phone service when you are in the water. I like that. The first day was a lot of fun. We got to Fort Lauderdale about noon and we were on the boat by 2 or so. We hadn't eaten much all day and I was ready for supper. Supper time came. I put on my nice boots, my nice pants yada yada yada. When you go on a cruise the food is included in your package. You don't pay extra. They bring you a menu and you choose from a wonderful list of food. The first night prime rib was on the menu. I love prime rib. We can't really afford to go and eat prime rib now because we are both back in school. When I die if I go to hell there will be a prime rib in an oven that can't open. If I go to heaven I'll eat it everyday. Anyway, needless to say I ordered the prime rib. Ate it with a smile in every bite. Well the waiter was from Honduras and spoke Spanish. My wife does not speak Spanish. My wife would gasp if I ordered a second prime rib. Being the good husband I am and not wanting to worry my wife I ordered it in Spanish. When the waiter came back with my second slab of meat my wife looked at me with that look that many of us unsophisticated people get from time to time. I ate. She bowed her head. I am not sure if it was to pray or in embarrassment. I was happy. I love meat.

I am not a preacher

Though the decision was difficult I have decided to leave full time ministry. I am not a "pastor" and preachers have been relegated to this position. I have the highest respect and admiration for those who can juggle the two sides. I could not. It is not a statement of defeat but I was growing increasingly frustrated, as well, my convictions about the church have changed. I believe it would have been more divisive in the end than unifying. Many will make statements about the "real" reason I left the ministry. Their character has been a sad disappointment in the last few months and quite frankly they are wrong. I left the ministry for the above reasons. Later you will read posts as to the exact nature of my changing convictions. Until then please know that I have not fallen away by my new convictions. For now I will say that I had to remain moderately convicted if I was going to remain peaceful and non-divisive in the churches of Christ, this would help no person.