A humbling reality.

As the year closes I try to take an honest look at my walk with the Lord and life in general. I have noticed a few things about myself that make me cringe. Those things which I hate in others are those things I possess. I wish I had been born with the ability to communicate personally like I do publicly. I have no problem teaching or speaking but I can not write well and I usually communicate what I want to say in a horrible manner. I have done damage to many people because of my mouth/blog. I so wish I could take back some of the things I have said. I can't though. I wonder if it's not best to just close it. If I am as bad a person as my blogging/facebooking/ interneting self appears then I am stinking pile. I am not trying to say that I don't believe in those things which defend the faith, I do, but the evidence is negated by how I say it. This next year I want to become the person that I have expected others to be. So what's the plan?

Continue to read daily and pray the liturgy of the hours.

Think before I open my mouth. (That will be hard)

Workout, eat better and get to bed before 1am.

The foolish things we say.

I posted something here a while back that was exceptionally negative. I took it off and I apologize if it offended anyone. I realized that posting nonsense like that defeats the intended purpose.

Travel Trailer

Jennifer and I love to travel. This last week when we visited my family in Arkansas we stayed in Trent's (Erin's fiance) travel trailer. It was great. I am convinced that we are going to get one. We can't really afford anything big. I would really just like to find something with a bed, heat and/or air and a place to cook. If we could even find a small one that needed a little work that would be great. I mean I like to camp but sometimes the hassle of loading up to go freeze and sleep on the ground get's old. We would like to hitch up and go. If you have any ideas let me know. I hope you and your family have a very blessed time. The holidays are a wonderful to rekindle a prayer life and an attitude of thankfulness.

It has been a long time

This past summer didn't allow much time to blog. When I get home I just want to crash and the last thing on my mind is blogging. Tonight I went through some of my old blogs and responses. I blogged most when I lived in Tulia and that was close to two years ago now. It doesn't seem that long ago but it was, wow. Much has changed in that time. I am not sure if situations or those people in my life, that form those situations, have changed as much as I have changed how I look at those things. I hope that my children will never have to experience some of the things I have in the last few years. I don't want them to have that taste in their mouth. I don't want them to know what's it like to be hated. However, I hope that everyone I know goes through times where they dig and ask questions, get rejected, act like a moron and have to pay for it and learn the fallible character of all of us. I don't envy the initial journey of these situations but in the end it really forces a person to look at a few things. I pray that when I have kids they will seek and not fear the consequences of that search. Even though wrong actions and mistakes have plagued many of my decisions those consequences helped form either a stronger resolve or questions that precipitated more questions. I hope that as I grow up in faith that I will learn to listen and wait. Presumption is the killer of wisdom. There are so many things I want to say but I fear saying them. I never thought I would see the day when I would shut up.

The longer I live as a Catholic a few things have started to take root. I am convinced that irrespective of the sect, denomination or church if a person is a follower of Jesus they are on the team I want to be a part of. The reformation splintered the church but now it's time to work on unification. It will take a lot of work. I also become more convinced that those we are closest to will see the true character we have not the character we wished we had.

Last night Jennifer and I took a girl who is here studying from Sweden out to the farm. She was quite in awe of the "big machines." It was neat. We asked a million questions about her culture and she our's. We tried to explain lobbyist. Her English was perfect but I am not sure she understood how we could allow it. Naturally the conversation turned to health care. I am really tired of hearing people who follow Jesus of Nazareth defend a system that is ran by greed to the detriment of the working poor. Then acting like the conviction is based on anything other than money. It's not about politics if it was then write your representative and ask them how much money they have received from the medical lobby. I can assure you that the amount they receive from the lobby has had more to do with the public's perception of the debate than our letters have. I just wish I would see a letter campaign asking for full disclosure on what they have received from these lobbies rather that false information from people with an agenda.

Anyway, as usual I just sat down and wrote what was on my mind. Most of time writing is in prep for a class I am teaching on John. I love it and still believe I was only made to do one thing.

I just rambled tonight. I write these mainly for myself.

List of 5 things I want to do this summer.

1. Go on vacation.
2. Get out of debt.
3. Read some good books.
4. Re-connect with lost friends.
5. Be a better Christian.

No big deal

It's really no big deal but, I have learned a few things these last several months.
1. As a person's relationship with God develops it becomes more like a relationship.
2. This is big to me because of my experience; when people will listen to what other say you are, and did, rather than the truth just move on. Defending yourself against willing ignorance is a waste of time.
3. People who have learned that perfect love casts out fear are the people who will model best what is Christianity.
4. Don't be suprised when people act as people.
5. Draw close to Christ in His Word and the Eucharist.
6. Debating with people who only listen to their side is like chasing a chicken.
7. The kingdom of God is not about great sermons, it is about living in a way that pleases God and serving others. I can't remember 1/25 of the sermons I have heard but always remember how people have acted.
8. If people form their opinions about you and your situation based on what others say move on and live like Jesus.

Some of these things come up because recently I have come to terms with the fact that fact is not what formed the opinion of our changes. I feel sorry and sad for those who have listened to third parties rather than the truth. I just hope to live a life worthy of God. I hope to serve others in a way that shows that true faith is lived not talked about, and then negated when the crap hits the fan. Peace.

St. Paul

St. Paul is my favorite author, Bible character, church planter, saint and leader. A few reasons why.

1. His conversion experience teaches that the validity of conversion is found in the change of the person.

2. He was willing to stand up for what was right even if it went against popular Christian thought.

3. He wrote pastoral letters in a time when it would have been easier to sulk over his situation.

4. He knew what he was talking about yet was gentle and firm.

5. He was more concerned that Christ was proclaimed than he was with who was proclaiming Him.

There are many things I love about St. Paul. I think he may have been the first ecumenist but he wasn't one because it was easy to do. He knew the nature of God as revealed in the Law and as He was revealing Himself to the early church.